Weight loss has nothing to do with will power

Most people want to try to lose weight and most people are pretty good at trying to do it. But most people are not committed enough.

If you want to lose weight think carefully. Are you willing to try or are you committed? Are you determined to do it no matter what?

Notice that if the word try is in the statement or the declaration, it’s indicating that quitting is an option.

Most people are very good at quitting. We are very good at trying and quitting. We are not very good at committing. Now, the way that I define committing is that you will continue to take massive action until you get the result you want. Quitting is not an option. You will keep at it for as long as you need to. You will adjust in order to reach your goal. You will not quit. You will not give up.

How much are you willing to commit to losing weight no matter what? Would you be willing to give me your car if you don’t lose weight? Why not? If you’re committed, you would know for certain that you would lose the weight so there would be no risk.

Would you like to work with me? How committed are you? Are you committed to doing everything that will be required of you to get to the weight you want to get to? Are you willing to not quit? Would you be willing to put your car on it?

Now, I want you to imagine for a moment if say yes. You say yes you will give me your car if you don’t lose your excess weight.  How would you approach your weight loss? What would be different to what you’ve ‘tried’ before?

This is the difference between someone who follows through and commits and gets the results they want in their life, versus someone who wants to try something out. Trying something means that you’re willing to quit.

Now the question is, why don’t most people commit? It goes back to the feelings. Making a commitment and following through on a commitment requires you to be uncomfortable and experience negative emotion much of the time. It requires you to evolve. It requires you to go to the next level and keep taking massive action.

What determines your level of commitment? You could think of this in terms of a marriage. When you make a commitment to your husband that you will stay married to them, you’re deciding ahead of time that you’re not going to have a relationship with other men. You’re deciding ahead of time that you’re going to live with this person, that you’re going to work out your differences, etc? You’re deciding ahead of time maybe that you’ll grow old together.

Now what determines whether you continue to keep the commitment? It’s how good your relationship is. The more you keep your commitments to each other, the decisions you’ve made ahead of time, the better your relationship will be.

And the exact same thing that happens in our relationship with ourselves. If we decide ahead of time not to eat something, what determines whether we follow through on it? It’s not our level of willpower, nor how strong we are. It’s the strength of our relationship with ourselves.

It’s how good are we at honouring our own commitments. How good are we at keeping our word to ourselves? How good are we at giving ourselves what we want long term, instead of selling ourselves out in the moment?

Most of us have terrible relationships with ourselves.  We avoid ourselves. We don’t listen to ourselves. We don’t pay attention to ourselves. We don’t honour our commitments to ourselves. We aren’t willing to have our own backs when we’re uncomfortable. We aren’t willing to use our courage and our patience to get what we want. We eat behind our own backs.

The solution is not beating ourselves up. Beating ourselves up worsens our relationship with ourselves which perpetuates the problem.

The way that you strengthen your relationship with yourself is by learning how to feel and paying attention to your mind. It’s about having a non-judgmental, compassionate observation of yourself.

When you know how to honour yourself and you have faith and trust in yourself that you will honour your commitments, you can set bigger and bigger goals for yourself, and you know that through the process you will not abandon yourself.

If you have not lost the weight that you want to lose yet is not that you don’t have enough willpower. It’s that you really need to work on your relationship with yourself. You need to understand yourself, have integrity for yourself, trust yourself, respect and love yourself. Once you do, there is absolutely nothing you won’t be able to create that you genuinely want.