My over eating and weight loss journey
My over eating and weight loss journey
My thoughts of over eating and weight loss
I was approaching my 40th birthday and I was morbidly obese. I existed in a state of embarrassment and shame.
Common thoughts at the time were:
“How much more weight do I need to gain before the weight gain stops?”
” I hope I don’t die at this weight, the ultimate humiliation would be having the pallbearers struggle to lift my coffin at my funeral”
“How did I become such a failure?”
I had a lovely home, two amazing children, a solid marriage, a successful business – no traumatic child hood.
I also used to think:
“Anyone hearing about my life will think I am a success – anyone looking at me will think I am a disaster”
I felt so capable in so many areas of my life, work, and family, and yet so incompetent at something that, I thought, should be relatively straight forward. Losing weight and keeping it off!
My weight had fluctuated since my teens. I grew up in a family that overate healthily, all fresh home cooked meals, but large quantities of food. Mine was also a family where meals and food were a huge part of life. My parents both worked long hours and we ate out regularly.
I was larger than my friends during my teen years at school. I used to think:
“Please don’t include me in the photo. I’ll spoil it!”
From memory I developed the skill of overeating during long school holidays when I was home alone and bored. When I didn’t know what to do with myself. I would make anything that I could find ingredients for, usually cakes or creamy, cheesy pasta dishes.
Then, when I went to university I lost weight easily. Life was exciting an adventure waiting to happen. I did a lot walking, met my future husband, fell in love and at age 21 was truly slim.
Then I got married, started working, studied to further my skills, we saved to buy our first house. Life was good, but hard work and with no money to do exciting things I fell into the pattern of binging on unhealthy snacks and watching rented videos from Blockbusters.
I gained and lost a couple of stone several times over the next six years.
I then had my son, gained more weight, lost a little, and then gained again when I was pregnant with my daughter.
In the year after my daughter was born I lost four stone following a very low calorie diet that consisted of shakes and bars. I felt great and desperately hoped that I wouldn’t put the weight back on again when I started to eat ‘normally’, but of course I did.
Another 3 years later and I was five and half stone heavier
At this point: I hated:
- Social occasions
- Photos with my children
- Beach holidays
- Hot weather
Many of the things in life that should have been a source of joy.
I then again lost and gained the same two or three stone several times over the next five years!
Dieting was quite traumatic. I would have so much hope and anticipation that this time I would do it. Until I didn’t. And then the despair and disappointment would kick in.
During these years I would devour stories of other peoples’ weight loss success. What was their turning point? What made them make the switch?
Most seemed to have a profound defining moment, whether it be a health scare, the desire to run around with their children, or the dreaded post-holiday photo. I would have obsessive thoughts swirling around in my head about this. What will do it for me?
Then, suddenly, after another failed attempt to stick to a healthy eating plan I sort of gave up.
‘‘I will not put losing weight at a higher priority than looking after my kids and doing the work required to maintain our finances”
“I have a slow metabolism – from all the years of yo-yo dieting”
“It’s in my genes, my Dad’s overweight, my grandma was overweight”
“I’m so lucky in all other areas of my life, this is just going to be my thing, my flaw. It’s just the way it is.”
During this phase. I started to be a little nicer to myself. I didn’t beat myself up quite so much. I felt I had a little more head space.
And then I kind of stumbled across something that was going to be life-changing.
I discovered The Life Coach School and Brooke Castillo’s approach to Weight Loss.
And I loved it!
For so many reasons.
I discovered that:
- Being thin didn’t equate to having a great life
- It is so much easier to lose weight when you are kind and lovely to yourself
- I have so much more energy when I don’t over eat
- I didn’t need to eat food to make me feel better when something stressful happened at work
- The highlight of my day should not be eating dinner!
- When you suss out why you desire food so much, making healthy food choices and not overeating is easy!
- And importantly, that it’s all about managing your mind.
I got rid of all the thoughts I’d been having around food and weight loss since my teens and created a whole new empowering mind set.
I had not felt so passionate about something for a long time!
Within a matter of weeks, I had decided that I had to properly learn from Brooke so that I could share the knowledge, information, tools and tips… and help other women like me. Women who give so much to the lives of their children and family and work. But who are at the same time overeating, being disatisfied with not being the best version of themselves – even though, just like me, they may have a good life already.